The Imperfect Soldier
by Ochita Miko
Summary: Heero Yuy, hero of the Gundam war had been Dr. J's perfect soldier. But what if Heero was not Dr. J's first experiment with the Perfect Soldier Project?
1. Chapter 1

A/N - This fic is post Endless Waltz, by a few years and will feature many of the main characters from Gundam Wing, as well as an OC. The pilots have joined The Preventers, headed by Lady Une, in the various capacities, either part or full time. The Pilots have always been some of my favorite couples (1x2, 3x4 respectively), so if that offends you, don't read. Though the agnst tag will give you an idea, this fic is going to deal with some tough shit. You know yourself and what you can deal with so please be smart about reading this. In a sense this chapter is a re-post of an old story, but it is so different now I can hardly call it a re-post.

Chapter One

"Hello everyone, and officially welcome" Lady Une announced, formal as usual, but with warmness as she called everyone in the room to attention.

The gathering was not large. Everyone there sat around several small tables in the chandelier lit, formal room. The elegant room clashed with the topic that brought this meeting to order, but no one minded. They were accustom to having Preventer assignments given in a variety of environments. This meeting had a two fold purpose - first as a party in honor of Heero and Duo, and second as a meeting for a new mission that Une had suggested could need all of them.

Before Lady Une called the room to order, each person there had been chatting with those around them, from light topics of daily activities, to deeper ones about the nature of peace. But all conversations halted in respect to Lady Une. When all eyes were focused on her, standing behind the make-shift podium, she continued her speech.

"I will try to keep this meeting brief as the holidays are upon us, but I am afraid when this meeting is over, you will be tied up for longer than you would like. Oh, but before that, Heero and Duo," Une said, smiling, turning her gaze towards the couple, "on behalf of the Preventers I want like to congratulate you on your recent nuptials and honeymoon." There was a round of here-heres from the rest of the room.

Duo smiled broadly, while Heero looked down at his hands, plainly unsure what to do. "Apparently we missed all the action though" Heero said, trying to deflect the conversation back to what he guessed was the purpose of the meeting.

"What?! I wasn't enough action for you, big boy?" Duo joked, in a mockingly seductive tone as he threw his arms around Heero. Heero blushed crimson, and the whole room erupted in laughter.

Une tried to hold back a smile and waited patiently for the former soldiers, now Preventer agents, to settle down. "Thank you Heero. That brings us to the purpose of this meeting. As I am sure you have all been made aware, two nights ago there was an assassination attempt on Vice Foreign Minister Dorlin".

Une's words were greeted by a collective exclamation of residual anger that she silenced by continuing, "fortunately this attempt was halted and Miss Relena is safe and sound. Unfortunately the rescue effort was not due to the heroic efforts of Miss Relena's body guards, all of whom are still under questioning about that night as we speak. Rather, the attempt was noticed and stopped by an unknown young woman who evaporated from the scene right afterward. According to the news reports we allowed to circulate, no one was able to interview this woman about her bravery. However, that is not the case. In the chaos, Relena was able to speak to her mysterious savior briefly before the young woman disappeared. From that conversation Relena learned little more than the woman called herself, Ikari. Reports also deny that the incident had been recorded by anyone. That was also a stretching of the truth."

Une paused at this, waiting and receiving the laughing response she expected from her listeners. Preventers were specialists at stretching the truth these days. "Miss Relena asked me personally later that night to figure out the identity of her rescuer, for the purpose of properly honoring the young woman and because Relena wanted to offer Ikari a position as one of her personal body guards as an expression of gratitude".

There were grumbles of concern about an unknown individual being so close to Miss Relena.

"OF COURSE" Une broke in, "I told Relena that we would have to perform an extensive background check of the young woman, and that check is why I called this meeting."

"Is she a terrorist or something then?" Duo asked. "That is easy enough to deal with."

"Yes, Duo, that would be easy enough, except that was not our findings. Our problem is that we had no findings."

"Then her name was an alias of some kind. I would never give my real name in that kind of situation. With all of our technology, giving people your real name gives them some power over you" Wufei said.

"Real names are over rated" Trowa muttered. Quatre gripped Trowa's hand gently and offered his lover a reassuring smile. Names were still a sore spot to the pilot who had no name.

"Agreed, Agent Chang" Une replied, forcing patience into her voice. "However, facial recognition tests, finger prints, dental records, insurances, the military, and electronic censuses of Earth and the colonies also had no leads on her identity. There are no records of this young woman's existence anywhere. Which means. . ."

"She has something to hide" Heero interjected, "and either she is excellent with computers or knows someone who is. The quality of skill needed to tamper with all those records is extraordinary".

"You have highlighted my concern, Mr. Yuy. We confiscated the footage of that night that captured any part of the event, and pasted it together to form the video clip I am about to show you. You will see her skills are. . . quite remarkable. I have assembled all of you in particular together because you are known to also be remarkable in your variety if combat and espionage skills. Perhaps from your help, we can find a lead" Une finished.

"Where is she now?" Zechs interrupted.

"We have a team of agents on her 24/7. The last update I received indicated she was at her apartment her on earth. The landlord of the building indicated she has not been living there long. His records list her name as Ikari as well, with a generic last name. Now, please watch the video. It is rather short, so I will play it three times. Think hard, but accurately, we don't need any false accusations here. We don't have a proper face shot of her until the end of the clip. Miss Noin, please get the lights".

The lights dimmed, and the screen lit up to Miss Relena's smiling face making a comment about the newest peace accords. Then in almost a blur, Relena was tacked to the ground by a young woman as shots sounded the the air.

Trowa figured the women was 5'3", in her mid-twenties, long black wavy hair, in jeans, a hooded sweatshirt, a grey beanie, and heavy bangs hiding her face.

Quatre was surprised by her gentleness in the careful way she handled Relena, protecting Relena from getting a scratch and making sure the Vice Minister was secure behind a ring of guards to prevent any further attack.

Duo felt a pang of jealous that someone could deal out death's justice faster than himself, the God of death, as he watched the woman expertly scale the wall, and kill the snipers before they could get away.

Wufei was awed by her skills in martial arts as she expertly disarmed the snipers, before dealing them death blows to the head.

Noin saw in all of her actions the proud precision she generally attributed to few people other than the gundam pilots.

When she came down and the camera finally got a glimpse of her face, Zechs couldn't help but notice the cold and empty expression she wore, a mask, like the one he used to wear.

As the camera zoomed in Duo heard his partner gasp and whisper, "Dear God. . ." The whole incident occurred in less than a minute. The film looped around twice more before the lights came on again.

"Heero?" Duo asked, shaking Heero's arm to get his attention, unnerved by how pale his lover looked, as if he had seen a ghost.

If the room wasn't still silent, they would have missed Heero's whisper of a reply, "I know her."

Everyone stared at Heero, waiting for him to continue. A minute passed, and then two, before Duo nudged Heero, suggesting he should elaborate.

"Yes, Mr. Yuy?" Une prompted, unable to keep the excitement and fear from her expression.

Heero stared off into space as he answered, "I may have been Dr. J's prefect soldier, but I was plan B".

Confused, Quatre asked, "What do you mean, Heero?"

They all waited patiently, knowing that since Heero had developed more of his human side, courtesy of his relationship with Duo, talking about anything concerning Dr. J and those years was particularly painful for him now that he understood what he had lost.

"I wasn't his first attempt to program _The Perfect Soldier_. She was - Hikari Minamoto."

They all waited in silence, this time brought on by disbelief. Heero gazed on his hands, lost in his own memory.

Finally he continued, "One of the skills I was taught by Dr. J was computer hacking-"

"Go figure" Duo said dryly, trying to lighten the mood. He ended up earning a few chuckles before Heero continued.

"I ended up using what Dr. J taught me as a bit of revenge, to explore his personal files. Not long before operation meteor I found some long encrypted files that were hidden under layers of passwords and protections. Of course, I took that as a challenge and proceeded to break into the files. I am ashamed to say it took several hours". Again several chuckles broke the heaviness surrounding them - Heero, still the perfectionist.

Une listened intently, wondering how she could get Heero to move on with the story without making him clam up about the past in the process. When Heero visible shivered, she kept her silence. Duo discretely took Heero's hand, not wanting his lover to feel babied, but also wanted Heero to know how much Duo loved and supported him.

"I haven't thought of those files for a long time" Heero continued, slipping into his soldier mode of giving a report, "She is of Japanese origin, like me, also with no memory and or records of her parents and upbringing. She was. . ." Heero swallowed hard and said, "a child prostitute sold by child traffickers when Dr. J found her. She was five years old. How she came to his attention, I don't want to know. After a short amount of training her medical examination results were incredible, as was her physical strength, IQ, street smarts, stamina, ability to survive on little food and sleep, weapon skills, martial arts, you name it and she took to it. She was born a soldier."

"So then why wasn't she the pilot of Winged Zero?" Trowa said, asking the obvious question.

"There was one area of her training that Dr. J did not account for. He did not do enough testing and examination of her emotional endurance, tendencies, capabilities, and so on. He made up for his lapse extensively during my training" Heero sighed. "Apparently where she was physically and mentally able, she was emotionally weak. One day, out of what seemed like no where, she took her own life, according to the file".

"But then. . .?" Quatre started, but trailed off.

"Are you sure the young woman who saved Miss Relena is this Hikari Minamoto? I mean. . . if she is dead, then she is dead, right?" Duo asked nervously.

" I know how this sounds" said Heero reluctantly, "that is why I watched the clip all three times before saying anything, but there is no one else it could be. She looks identical to the pictures in the file. Those unnerving blue-grey eyes. Her training, awareness, skills - for all the things I have to say about how Dr. J operates, he was incredibly thorough. I don't think anyone could have her skill who did not go through his training."

"Was there a death certificate or some kind of confirmation of her death in the files you read, Heero?" Noin asked.

"Not that I remember. I was never able to asked J about it because I found the information through a violation of orders. I got the impression from his notes that Dr. J was very surprised by the loss of what he had perceived to be a very successful experiment. She didn't leave any note, and to Dr. J's knowledge she had not kept a personal journal or any other record that would suggest something was wrong. She was the puzzle he never figured out. But he never forget her. Hikari was the designer and programmer of the Zero system".

Duo's "Holy shit" echoed through the silenced room. None of them had forgotten that cursed system, and what it was like before Zechs and Heero made modifications.

"I guess I never thought about the actually designing of that program" Quatre said in awe. "What kind of person could. . ." but Quatre couldn't find the words to finish his thought.

"Okay" said Une, "let's not blow this out of proportion. We now have a lead, which is exactly what I was hoping for. With this evidence, we can mount an investigation. Relena did not mention that the young woman seemed off or unstable, but their conversation was brief. After the holidays I would like a group of you, you may decide who, to go to the apartment and speak to Miss. . . to the young woman."

"Isn't that a bit too straightforward of an approach?" Trowa voiced.

"Honestly Agent Barton, I don't like it either, but any espionage elements have been preempted by there being no records of her existence. With the information about her Mr. Yuy has provided, I think we have enough information to warrant a talk with her. She has the potential of being quite dangerous" Une finished, and slid into her chair.

"I would like to go tonight" Heero said abruptly.

"Yea," Duo chimed in. "It will keep him up all night if we don't, and he will keep me up all night, and not in a good way."

"You have my permission to do whatever you think is good, Mr. Yuy. Just wait until I clear the. . . interview with the rest of the Preventer Commanders" Une said, excusing herself to do just that.

"So who else is going with us?" Duo said is his most bouncy manner, all be it a bit forced.

"You are staying here" Heero said, equal parts of authority and love in his voice.

"I will come" Quatre said meekly. "I could be some use with my empathy".

"Then I am coming as well" Trowa said firmly, anticipating any resistance Heero might give.

"I will make it a group of four" Zechs said finally. Noin put her hand on his arm, and he covered her hand with his, and looked down at her with all the care he possessed. Through their silent conversation Noin understood Zechs needed to do this because of his own experience with the Zero system, and Zechs understood that Noin expected him to be careful, now that he was going to be a father, she didn't want Zechs taking foolish chances.

Heero glanced at Wufei, who shook his head slightly, dealing with the emotional charged was not Wufei's ideal sort of mission. Noin's pregnancy insured she would not being joining them, or doing any sort of field work any time soon.

Just then a runner came in the room with a paper, "Commander Une told me to give this to you and to say you guys have permission".

Heero took the paper, turned to the others and said, "lets go", though in his mind he said _mission accepted_.

Heero, Quatre,Trowa, and Zechs spoke little on the several hour shuttle ride to the Japanese district of the Earth's Sphere. Quatre had always preferred making small talk rather than an awkward silence, but knowing his companions well, Quatre understood that small talk would just make things more awkward for everyone else. Instead, Quatre curled up on his lover's shoulder, and relaxed into the familiarity of his Trowa's scent.

Heero and Zechs sat apart, both lost in their own thoughts about this strange young woman, and their own past.

False dawn had begun to rise when the pilot of their small shuttle announced, "We are just about at our destination, prepare for landing" over the intercom.

Being on Preventer's business, the four young men got through the port security and obtained a transport car quickly. Within an hour they were parked near Hikari's apartment, talking to the security detail there. "The young woman in question came home early this morning, around 2am, and has been inside since. She is on the third level, apartment 11. Best of luck to you".

The group trooped up the stairs, positioning weapons on their belts and fighting techniques in their minds, in case ought was needed. Zechs moved to the front of the group and knocked on the door, with six deliberate beats of his fist. Thirty seconds passed, then sixty, as they waited in alert silence. Zechs knocked again. Thirty seconds after that they heard movement from within the apartment and waited.

After another minute three locks were unbolted from the door and the handle twisted open to reveal the young woman from the video. Sleep clung to Hikari's icy blue-grey eyes and tussled her long black hair. The sweatshirt and shorts she wore were grey and plain, though the over-sized clothing could not hide the slightness of her frame. "You must be Une's men. You're late; I expected you last night. Come in". Her voice, though full of sleep, had a neutral, even emotionless tone.

Following her direction, Heero, Quatre, Trowa and Zechs walked in to a generic apartment, lacking the personal mementos that would distinguish it from others, except for the well stocked liquor cabinet just visible.

In the small front space of the apartment Hikari gestured towards a maroon couch, "Sit down" she said, while sinking into a black leather armchair and picking up a mug from off the side table. "Wakeful tea, great for hangovers" Hikari answered the boys unasked question. "I'd offer you some but I doubt my hospitality is something you are trusting just now" she said with just a drop of acid in her tone.

Heero, Trowa, and Quatre took seats on the couch. When Quatre looked up at Zechs apologetically, he only shrugged and stood casually against the wall. Hikari either didn't notice her insufficient seating or didn't care.

"Getting drunk was where you were at until 2am then?" Trowa asked, giving Hikari the benefit of the doubt that she knew she was being watched.

"Yep. Bad habits, what can I say?" Hikari responded with a minimizing shrug, "But If drinking away the demons was a crime then I'd wager at least one of you would be sitting in jail next to me. I have a good guess as to why you are here, but I don't know what questions you have. If we could get down to business, that would be great, and perhaps I will still be able to catch a few hours sleep before work."

"Work?" Zechs asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing that would interest you, Zechs - unless you are interested in hiring me fore a lap dance" Hikari replied with a sensual expression that made Zechs look away. "I bar-tend and dance for the Mercenary Mary Club downtown. It's nothing to world domination, but it pays the bills and keeps life interesting enough" Hikari finished with a smile.

Regaining composure Zechs asked, "Is that where you were last night?"

"No, I just went out. I expected you last night so I planned on not being home, but that doesn't matter because here you are, and here I am. I had known at the time it was Relena being shot at maybe I wouldn't have bothered saving her since you all are making such a fucking shit-hole out of it now" Hikari sighed, running her hands through her hair in obvious frustration.

Quatre tensed at Hikari's sudden rise in emotion. Sensing Quatre's tension, Trowa discretely placed his hand on Quatre's.

"Shit" Hikari said almost to herself, twisting her hands in her lap, "I know you are here just doing your jobs, I guess you all being ex-gundam pilots unnerved me a bit. I wasn't expecting such exalted company and I am not the most socialist of butterflies this early in the morning, or ever. What do you want to know?"

"I would think you would have stayed uninformed about the gundam war. After everything you have been through it seems reasonable that you would want nothing to do with gundams" Zechs prodded.

Hikari tensed even more, taken off guard that these questions were affecting her so strongly. Hikari studied Zechs' long white hair, and looked questioningly into his eyes. Seeing her truth she turned her stormy gaze around the room, until it rested on Heero."No one alive during the war could have stayed uninformed about it. But that is not what you mean," she sighed defeatedly. "I can wipe all databases clean, but I cannot change what is in your memory, can I, Heero Yuy? Did Dr. J tell you about me, or did you just hack his files?" she finished wryly.

"I hacked them" Heero confirmed. "He wrote you were dead though, so I was surprised to see your likeness on the security footage from the other night."

"I am dead enough," Hikari muttered, subconsciously tugging her hoodie sleeves over the palms of her hands, and curling her knees up to her chest. "I can see now that this meeting is going to be very different than I imagined. I am sorry for that. The past belongs buried, Mr. Yuy."

Hikari, swallowed down a strong need for these men to leave and stop asking her about things she didn't want to remember. If she gave them the bare minimum of the story, rather than clamming up now, she could probably get them to leave. Few people really want details anyway. Once she could prove she wasn't trying to hurt Relena, they should leave her be.

"Dr. J's file was correct in a way. I made an effort to die by my own hand at that time, it just ended up being a failed effort, and enough proof for Dr. J that I was not his perfect soldier." Hikari gazed off in the distance as she continued, "He was not ignorant of the fact that all his skills of the perfect soldier were now held by someone he perceived to be unstable. I spent an unknowable amount of time locked up in different places, in some degree of drug induced vegetation under his order. Eventually he lost interest in me, probably when you started to blossom, Heero. My guard lapsed and I was able to escape the dungeon he had made for me. I was finally free."

"Free to do what?" Trowa asked.

"Anything" Hikari said wistful, "At least that is how I felt. I was owned by the prostitution ring, and then I was owned by Dr. J, so for the first time no one owned me."

"Was that your last experience with Dr. J? I don't imagine him being okay with just letting you go" Heero asked quietly.

Hikari and Heero shared a brief moment of understanding at the lengths their mentor would take to ensure his plans. "Like I said, I believe Dr. J was very involved with you, Heero, and the Gundam Project in general at that time. He had sort of moved on from me, and I don't believe he was aware of my escape until long after in happened. I am sure i I was not created to be a gundam pilot specifically. Eventually Dr. J's Perfect Soldier Project and Gundam Project came together with you , Heero. Though I did help build the gundams I was never intended as part of Operation Meteor. I did not have contact again with Dr. J for several years until he sought me out during the war to obtain the software for the Zero System."

There was a pause in the conversation as everyone digested this information.

"How did Dr. J know you are written such software?" Heero asked quietly, feeling a wave of empathy for the young woman before him.

"He didn't. He had recordings of my battle data. When the war's situation started to appear dire, Dr. J began searching for ways to give you pilots an edge. He found that edge in my battle strategies. The Zero System is no more or less than a systematic computer program that replicates my fighting methods. All the insanity of war boiled down to one question - 'who is your enemy?'"

Dead silence echoed through the room as they tried to imagine someone whose mind functioned with the cold and calculating methods of the Zero System.

"Then you really were the perfect soldier" Quatre said, awe and fear of this young woman in his voice.

"NO." Hikari said firmly, her voice rising in intensity. "No, no, no, no, no. You've got it all wrong. I was proof that there is no perfect soldier, but Dr. J didn't get the message. I gave him the Zero System in hopes that he would finally figure that out. I don't know if he ever did. Though I hear that after some trial and error, several of you were able to use the system to some advantage. You know why, don't you?"

More silence.

Dwelling so much in the past made Hikari anxious, so finally she answered her own question, "It was because you had comrades in battle who were there to help you get out of the battle mode before you lost yourself to it - people who helped confirm what was real, and who the enemy was. You were a perfect team of imperfect soldiers; that is why the gundams won the war."

The four men in the room remembered their personal trials with the Zero system, and wondered what would have happened if neither enemy or friend had been there to ground them in reality. Quatre felt a tear slide down his cheek for this broken girl in front of him, though his eyes were not the only ones not dry. Trowa put his arm around Quatre, feeling love for his little blonde man. Hikari unnerved Trowa too. She was talking about the horrors of war with a matter-of-factness that felt wrong, detached, and cold.

Though her voice had been calm, Hikari's body began to show her agitation. Talking about comrades in war tore at a nerve in the lonely girl's heart. Her leg began tapping so violently that her whole body shook. Her arms were wrapped around her waist, and her long waves of hair were obscuring her face. Her breathing was now shallow and far too rapid to be regular. She felt herself falling to pieces - after so much time running from the past the floodgate had been opened and memory was pouring over her. There was so much emotion to feel and sort out, and she hated it. She had to get a grip on herself, but she couldn't with this audience. Panic rose above the other feelings. Run. She had to run.

"Were there more questions that you had?" Hikari asked in a falsely measured tone.

The four men exchanged glances, all feeling the sudden sense of 'offness' with Hikari.

"We did seem to get off topic" Quatre said diplomatically, "But I think you hinted at the answers to our remaining questions. You did not know it was Miss Relena you saved a few nights ago?"

"Correct. I go out of my way to avoid anything around me that is drawing attention. I like to stay away from spot lights. I have no intentions of harm towards your Miss Relena. When I saved her life it was like I was back in battle again, and protecting her was my natural instinct. That is all there is to the story. I hadn't realized exactly what I had done until it was over and she was thanking me."

"We came to confirm you identity, and your intentions towards Miss Relena. With your cooperation, we have done both" Heero replied steadily.

"Then please go away," Hikari choked out. "I don't want to talk about the past anymore. I deleted myself from all the databases because I wanted to be left alone. Please, go away now."

Hikari felt her eyes watering and chided herself angrily. _What the fuck? Am I such a wounded animal that I will whine and beg at any friendly hand?! No. I'm fine on my own. Time to send them away before everything falls to pieces. I don't need caring, and I certainly don't want their's._

Heero, Trowa, Quatre, and Zechs all looked at each other and silently agreed that Hikari meant no harm to Relena. At the same time, Quatre's pleading look said they could not just leave this broken young woman here alone. Her emotional war fell over Quatre in waves of turmoil. It went against every bone in Quatre's body to leave Hikari in such pain. Trowa, Heero, and Zechs had to agree with Quatre - Hikari's composure was falling apart before their eyes.

Quatre walked over to Hikari, knelt down beside her chair, and put a hand on her arm to get her attention. She flinched violently away from him, surprising Quatre, and making Trowa suspicious.

"Don't touch me!" Hikari screamed at Quatre, shaking more than ever. "I asked you nicely to go away. I can ask you less nicely if you don't go now. I have answered your questions. LEAVE."

Hikari had the defensiveness of a wounded animal, or of someone with something to hide. Deciding to figure out which, Trowa crossed the room in his long strides, took hold of Hikari's arm and held it firmly as she tried to squirm away from him. Her teeth bared at him in anger, but her hangover was enough impairment to grant Trowa an easy victory.

"You've been hurt by people your whole life, haven't you little one?" Trowa said with a gentleness that kept Hikari from pulling away. "Everyone has treated you like a means to their ends, even us. I am sorry for that. We have done a poor job respecting your privacy. I and my friends feel poorly about leaving just now with you in such an agitated state because of our questions."

"It's nothing. I'm fine" Hikari said unconvincingly, pulling at her sleeves more vigorously.

Trowa, who still had Hikari's arm, pulled up the long sleeve of her sweat shirt to reveal the razor blade kisses he suspected would be there. Lines of white, purple, and angry red covered her left forearm in every direction, and more of her, Trowa suspected, if he had been able to look. When Trowa looked up from her arm he met Hikari's icy gaze - full of outrage, fear, hurt, and shame. She pulled her arm from his grip, and slapped him across the face with her free hand.

When Hikari spoke, her voice was frigid and disturbingly calm. "How fucking dare you, you ignorant bastard. Get the hell out of my apartment, or I will kill you."

Everyone froze for a moment, no one doubting the sincerity of Hikari's statement or her ability to carry it out. Undaunted, Trowa leaned forward and hugged Hikari. She stiffened in his arms, taken completely off guard by this show of affection and compassion - she had no training that would help her handling this situation.

Gently, Trowa whispered in Hikari's ear, "You are coming home with us. I won't leave you here to die alone." Trowa slowly let go, and met Hikari's eyes, this time the blue grey reflected deep sadness, confusing, and fear.

Hikari pushed Trowa away from her, shaking. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" She looked down at her hands, pulling her sleeves back over them. "There are plenty of other fuck-ups in the world, Trowa Barton. You and your comrades can go attend to one of them."

"What has happened to you is not your fault. You were put through hell before you could form any defense against it" Quatre said gently, trying to pacify her with understanding.

"What do you know about it?! What do you know about me?! You. All of you and your damned good intentions. I will not be your next humanitarian project. I'm not going to do anything to concern The Preventers. My future plans only involve keeping to myself and are my own affair that you WILL keep out of" Hikari finished, defiance bring life and energy to her features, her hands inching for concealed weapons.

Quietly Heero went into the bedroom and began throwing various belongings in a duffle bag while Zechs did the same in the bathroom. Trowa and Quatre stayed with Hikari, waiting for her reaction.

Hikari looked at each of them for awhile, calculating and processing. Then she said, "And this right after your pretty apology for disrespecting my privacy. Glad to know how genuine the Preventers are these days, or maybe this just represents their rogue agents, the old gundam pilots. Fuck you."

Without fighting or another word Hikari walked out her apartment door.

Quatre and Trowa exchanged looks.

"What do we do now?" Quatre asked.

"I don't think she was even wearing shoes" Trowa supplied.

"She wasn't" Heero said darkly from the bedroom door.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Hikari walked down the sidewalk aimlessly, but in the general direction of a nearby city park. The wind hollowed around her, but it was warm and soft, more of a caress than a bite. She walked with her eyes half closed, feeling each pebble and speck of grit under her bare feet, noting the change from sidewalk to grass as she neared the park. Focusing on the sensations was soothing and detracting from the war-zone she had abandoned in her apartment.

She ran her hands across the bark of the great oak tree, and alone the cool metal of the swing set, before sliding into one of the abandoned swings. No one seemed to make time to go to the park anymore, leaving it lonely and unkempt. Hikari liked the wildness of it - a place the earth had begun to claim back from the manufactured might of progress.

Hikari dug her feet into the sand as she propelled herself back and forth, drifting just slightly against the wind. She closed her eyes, soaking in the calm of the night around her, the quiet of a sleeping world. She loved the earth.

Then she glared slightly through her closed eyelids as she felt a presence that did not belong in her solitude. This someone came and sat on a swing beside her. It was no casual visitor.

Eyes still closed, Hikari felt out the world around her for a moment before saying, "Civilian clothes aren't enough to hide the military woman in you, Lady Une. To what do I owe this violation of my solitude? I already danced for your pets today."

"And then gave them the slip I hear" answered a clipped, low female voice.

"I am sure they will be thrilled to hear that you came here as a caution to their failure. Do you usually expect your agents to fail? I can't imagine the Preventers get anything done if that is the case."

Lady Une bristled momentarily, her posture stiffening, as she straightened her already straight back before letting Hikari's jab slide. "We aren't here to hurt you, Miss Minamoto."

Hikari felt her own anger rising, burning away the calm of the night. She embraced it. "You could have fooled me, LADY Une. I support all your work to keep peace. I have no intention to get in your way - I just want you to leave me the hell out of it. It wasn't my fight during the war and it isn't now."

"So you would never consider joining the Preventers, then?" Lady Une asked, too casually for such a serious question.

"What?" Hikari stopped her half hearted swinging. "Fuck no. I have no interest in fighting anyone, not the 'good side' and not the 'bad side'. No one. The only thing that interests me is being left alone."

"Even with all you can do, you wouldn't consider using your skills for a greater good?"

Hikari turned her head and met Lady Une's gaze for the first time, her eyes cold and her expression dark meeting Lady Une's earnestness, "Lady Une, my skills are not for sale, and they are not for use. I think you misunderstand the situation. You really don't want to know what I can do." Hikari turned away, and kicked up the sand in the renewed vigor of pumping her swing into life, suddenly propelled by a need to move, to run, to flee, while trapped on her swing.

"Actually you will find that on the contrary knowing your skills is exactly what I want and why I followed my agents here. You put me in a delicate position, Miss Minamoto, because you are a liability to the Preventers."

"Excuse me?!" Hikari jumped off her swing now, landing elegantly on her bare feet, and stood in front of Lady Une, all play pushed aside. She looked and felt defensive and wild. "I don't want to join you, so now I am a threat to you? What kind of logic is that?"

Lady Une stood herself, shifting the balance of power back to her commanding height."The Preventers are a delicately balanced system. One of our main responsibilities is to monitor and watch for threats to the peace the earth and colonies now have attained."

"So you want me to work for the Preventers so you can babysit me in case I go raving mad and try to take over the world? Haven't you noticed? I stayed out of the war. I am not fighting anyone. I don't WANT to fight."

"It could be argued that you stayed out of the war for other reasons than disinterest" Une countered coolly.

Hikari felt herself fill up with rage at this trapping a cage swinging over her head. She dug her nails deep into her palm and held them that way. She was sweating with fury. The air in her body felt both suck and coming in and out too fast. Her disorienting dizziness fed her fire of rage.

"Holy shit, NO! Are you even open to listening to anything I am saying, or are you so closed minded that all you will hear is the answers you want?! I am glad there are people defending this peace. I agree with the hypocrisy that peace has to be defended against those who are more in love with war. But read my lips if you have to I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-FIGHT-ANYONE!"

"I think Lady Une would be more at peace if she could see your fight, Miss Minamoto. Perhaps that will help put her at ease that you are not a threat" Zechs supplied, coming out of the shadows with Trowa, Duo, and Heero. They were carrying Hikari's few belongings in two duffle bags.

"That was my home, you bastards! These are my things!" Hikari tore bags away and threw them over her own shoulders. She was shaking from head to toe. She struggled to slide a mask over her pain, but her calm kept being choked by her fear. Over and over again she couldn't stop thinking '_This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I'm free. I was finally free. _Hikari squeezed her eyes shut, all control over her breathing long since lost.

"I'm sorry. I can imagine this is all overwhelming" said a voice as two hands rested on Hikari's shoulder. She flinched at being touched. The hands didn't leave and didn't advance, they just rested there. An anchor. A sense of calm came from his steady hands, and poured into her body like wine. It was so strange, this effect a stranger had on her. Hikari reigned in her fear enough to breathe, and looked up into the green eye of Trowa. Part of her flared into fire again, remembering the impertinence of Trowa at her apartment, but Hikari found she lacked the energy to feed the fire of her anger. Suddenly it was all she could do to keep from collapsing onto her knees in exhaustion. Her whole body felt tattered and worn.

With more effort than it had taken to be angry, Hikari turned again towards Lady Une. "Contrary to what you may believe, I don't have a flare for the dramatic, Lady Une" she said hoarsely. "I will not fight for the Preventers. If you insist on seeing what I can do then I agree to show you. But you won't like it. I don't like it. That's why I don't fight. However, My compliance comes with a warning - if try to make me fight for the Preventers, or cage me with what I show you then I will be dead within that hour. I am not so attached to living that I will be puppetted around by a strong set of chains."

"I don't think you understanding-" Lady Une began, but was cut of as Hikari raised her hand for silence.

"No. I think you are not understanding me. I am agreeing to show you how I fight so you will see what you are obviously failing to see currently - that I cannot fight for you. If you try to make me fight, after what I show you - I will kill myself. Do you understand now?"

Lady Une just nodded, but Hikari knew Une did not understand. Une still felt like she could turn the cards her way if she stalled for time. Hikari intended to prove Lady Une very, very wrong.

The last of her emotional fires flickered out of her, and Hikari felt herself wobble on her feet. Again she was steadied by the strong hands of Trowa.

"Let me take you to our hotel" Trowa started to pick Hikari up, but she stopped his efforts with a slight shake of her head.

"No. I have had enough of the Preventer's _kindness_ for one night. I am going home. You can come pick me up whenever the shuttle is going to leave tomorrow. But tonight, I am going home."

Quatre made to object, but Hikari turned frigid eyes on him, "I don't care if you decide to place guards outside my door all damn night, Quatre Rabbaba Winner. I am going to bed, in my bed, away from all of you. And I'm taking this" Hikari reached out and lifting Quatre's wallet from his pocket, "as payment for all the booze, pills, and blades that you got rid of when you raided my apartment." Hikari fished out the bills of credit and coin, before thrusting the wallet back at Quatre. "I don't need the rest of your rubbish. This will satisfy our debt for now. In the future you can keep your judgments about how I live my life to yourself."

Hikari turned away, and when no one made to deny her accusations at Quatre, she left without another word, deciding the group behind her to make of her what they would.

She took the long way home - re-buying her regular supply of alcohol, blades, and pain killers from her regular stores and dealers - all the way deliberately ignoring the four men who shadowed each of her steps. Part of her felt embarrassed that her secrets were suddenly on display. Shame for the place she had fallen bit at her, but then she hardened herself against it. They could assume whatever they wanted about her; she didn't intend to have them in her life long enough to care. She continued into her her apartment, buying food for her empty cupboards didn't even cross her mind.

When she arrived, Hikari locked her apartment door, and dropped her duffle bags onto the floor as she sunk into her arm chair. She looked at the contents of her shopping bags, also on the floor, half wondering if buying the booze was for show, or if she intended to drink herself silly. As soon as tear rolled down her cheek she decided to drink herself silly. She didn't want to think about this night. She didn't want to decide whether or not she really wanted to be alone. The gundam pilots might be the only ones alive who could understand her, and part of her yearned for that understanding.

The next morning dawned far too brightly for Hikari's hung over eyes. She felt lousy, but was too used to this self-treatment to be as incapacitated by it. But then she moaned as she realized the banging she heard wasn't just in her head, but also at her apartment door. Stumbling to the peep hole she saw her four visitors from the previous night.

Through the door she yelled, "Fuck off! I'll be there in a minute!"

"Our shuttle is due to leave shortly" Heero said in a clipped tone.

"And obviously the great Preventers have no authority to hold a damn shuttle!" Hikari bellowed back, stomping away from the door.

Heero said to no one in particular, "She is just as bad as Duo in the morning."

Hikari hadn't unpacked any of her things from the bags the night before. She went to unzip the bags, but stopped, surprised to see dried blood on her arms. With a groan she remembered flashes of the night before. She fished a towel out of her bag, deciding to have a shower to clean herself up and wake herself up.

She walked out of the bathroom in her towel, to find four pairs of eyes staring at her from her living room. Even for four married men, three of them gay, Hikari was a sight to see in her thin towel.

"WHAT THE HELL?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE, GODDAMNIT! I AM COMING IN A FUCKING MINUTE!"

Hikari's outrage did not cover up her knowledge that Quatre, Heero, Zechs, and Trowa had seen the remains of her night in the disheveled living room. Flushed, she moved quickly to throw away the used bottles, bags, and blades from the night before, while still trying to keep her towel around her body, and hiding her forearms from view. Trowa made a move to help her, but stopped at her icy, "Don't you fucking dare. GET. . . OUT. . . NOW. As soon as I get clothes on, I will be ready, and we can go get on your little shuttle."

With a saddened expression, Trowa went to the door. Quatre's face was even more plainly sad than Trowa's. Even Zechs and Heero, tempered over time by their lovers, revealed expressions mixed with empathy and sympathy. For someone who declared her desire to be left alone, Hikari's alone life didn't seem much to live for.

Fifteen minutes later Hikari emerged in a worn pair of grey jeans, a black and grey hooded sweater, and non-nondescript black boots. She had layered a leather jacket over her sweater, and carried her two duffle bags from the night before, slung across her back. Her long black hair hung damp down her back. She had attempted to cover up the dark circles under her eyes with make-up, but after seeing her living room Hikari fooled no one.

"Decided to go with shoes today, Miss Hikari?" Heero said with a forced smirk, trying to think of what Duo would have done in this tension filled situation. Hikari glared back at him.

"And I see you go for the mono-chromatic look" Zechs said slyly trying his own go at lighten the mood.

As Zechs hoped, Hikari responded with indigence, "What? I like grey. It goes well with my hair" she finished lamely.

"And makes your blue eyes stand out" said Trowa. "You and Quatre have almost the same eyes."

"I think Miss Minamoto's are more grey" Quatre supplied practically.

"Maybe. But today you both have spirited blue eyes. The are quite beautiful."

Quatre blushed.

In spite of herself, Hikari thought their flirting was cute. "So, you two are item?" Hikari asked, looking at wedding bands shining on both their left hands.

"Yes" Quatre answered, beaming up at Trowa. Trowa took Quatre's hand warmly.

"We all seemed to have inter-married after the war" Zechs added, wanting to pursue this lighter line of conversation.

"Then who took your fancy?"

"Miss Lucrezia Noin."

"Oh, yes. I think knew something about that. Then the gundam pilot 05 took up with Miss Sally Poe. Did they get married?"

"Engaged" Quatre answered.

"And Heero recently married Duo Maxwell, ex-gundam pilot 02."

"Oh. . . congratulations" Hikari responded lamely. She felt uncomfortable talking so much of marriage and nuptials. She had never seriously thought anyone would marry her.

"Have you found anyone?" Trowa asked, nailing the cross on Hikari's saddening heart.

"No. But I haven't made looking a priority. I. . . don't get out much."

"Well maybe you will find someone while you are with us. Do you prefer boys or girls?"

Quatre's optimism was lightly nauseating, but he seemed to still be riding his wave of affection for Trowa. "Ummm either, I mean both, I mean I don't think it matters. I mean it's whoever I love. I mean . . . I haven't really. . . but I know virgin or anything" Hikari answered, flustered.

"Pan-sexual" Heero supplied.

"What?" Hikari questioned.

"When you are open to both sexes. When your love is more about the person than their gender" Heero clarified.

"Ummm sure, maybe. I guess I haven't really thought very deeply about it. I'm not really into labels."

"Then it sounds like we have an interesting challenge before us" Heero smiled as they boarded the shuttle. He actually smiled.

"Wait, just because you have recently been married, Mr. Yuy doesn't mean I have to join your love-fest of happiness. I'm not coming with you to search for _true love_."

This time it was Trowa who replied, "That's the best time to find love, Miss Minamoto, when you aren't looking."

Sensing a losing battle, Hikari chose to remain silent. There was an easiness and comradery to the conversation so far. It felt so strange to be a part of their dynamic, but she couldn't bring herself to break the moment.

The shuttle was a private one, evidence that it would have not left without them seeing as they were the only passengers aboard. The luxury of her surrounds made Hikari uncomfortable, feeling suddenly in a world where she did not relate and did not belong. Private shuttled were for important people. Hikari did not consider herself important nor did she want to meet the standards of the world's importance.

Hikari tried to find a seat apart from the others, but upon finding none settled for a seat by the window. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around herself, and laid her head on the window. The sunlight had heated the glass, touching it with the warmth of the earth and not the cold of space.

"Are we going to space, or staying on the earth for this exhibition? Your shuttle is equip for either endeavor." Though Hikari addressed no one in particular, she knew she would be heard above the general quiet of the room.

"We are staying on the earth for now" came a voice Hikari did not recognize.

Muscles tensing she shot up from her seat and looked around. Others were arriving. They were not the only passengers after all.

"You guys were just waiting for us to show up" said a young man dressed in black, with a long brown braid falling down his back.

"02" Hikari whispered, unsettled. Taking a closer look around she realized the one who had spoken before was the Chinese pilot, 05.

"Sounds like it's time for introductions." 02 gave Heero a quick kiss on the cheek before coming over and extending his hand to Hikari, "I'm Duo Maxwell Yuy, though I think you already knew me for a Gundam pilot."

"Yes" Hikari answered, not taking Duo's hand.

After a minute Duo dropped his hand to his side with a shrug, "I get it. You are one _those_ people. It's okay. After dealing with Heero, Trowa, and Wufei all these years I am used to it. Quatre's the only normal one who knows how to say hello."

In the interim Wufei had come over to stand beside Duo. "I'm Wufei Chang ex-pilot of Nataku."

Hikari nodded once. "05."

A woman with long dirty blonde braids came over, smiling as she took Wufei's arm, "What, you aren't going to introduce me, handsome?"

Wufei colored slightly, and Hikari noticed the simple silver engagement ring on the woman's left hand. "This is my fiancee, Sally Poe. She will be our shuttle pilot today."

"But not without me" said a smiling woman with short sapphire hair. "Hi there. I'm Lucrezia Noin. I'm married to Zechs, but last names get complicated so we kept our own. We have a little girl, but she isn't her right now."

"Did she stay with the nanny?" Quatre asked.

"No" Zechs supplied, "Relena and Dorthy are thinking of adopting and asked to take care of Tessa while we were gone."

Hikari was shocked by how beautiful Noin was, and felt drawn to her. The emotion was unsettling. With the four crowded around her Hikari felt claustrophobic and backed up until the shuttle wall was at her back.

Swallowing, her throat suddenly very dry, she said a croaking, "Hi. I think you already know me."

"I know who thought you were, but are you really the Hikari Minamoto 'Ro pegged you for" Duo asked conversationally.

"Ummm, I don't know who Heero told you I was, but yes, my name is Hikari Minamoto."

"And you were trained by Dr. J, before Heero?" Duo pressed eagerly.

Hikari shrank back from Duo's casual questions about personal things. Luckily Heero came to her rescue.

"Duo" was all Heero needed to say.

"Oh, right, stranger danger. Heero tried to kill me the first time we met. Sorry man, I mean miss, I mean, what do you want me to call you?" Duo stumbled.

"Calling me Hikari would be find, Duo. I'm not much for formality."

"Yes, a kindred spirit" Duo beamed at her.

Thinking Duo was going to hug her or something Hikari shouted, "Don't touch me! Please..." she added the last as an after thought, after the room when silent at her first exclamation.

"Sure thing, kid, thanks for the warning" Duo nodded. "I'll just head over here now. You should know you picked the best seat though - you will have a great view when we take off. Enjoy it."

With that Duo was gone, and the others around Hikari also seemed to be gone, materializing in other parts of the rather large shuttle room. Hikari sunk back into her chair, pulled up her hood over her face, and closed her eyes. Sleep took her before she could decide whether or not it was safe to sleep.

Sure Hikari was asleep Duo finally voiced his concern, "What the fuck happened to that girl? I mean, God, she was having a panic attack with saying hello."

"No" said Heero darkly, "We saw her have a panic attack. The hello was mild. She is not particularly stable."

"Are any of us?" Trowa countered.

"Yes" said Sally slowly, "I really think we are. We've all changed a lot since the war. I'm not saying we didn't all break at open point of another, but that girl is broken now. I am sure if I had an hour with her I would be able to clinically diagnose her with a handful of things. She really needs help."

"She just wants to be left alone" Zechs' deep voice toned.

"Can we do that? Can we. . . ethically just leave her alone?" asked Noin.

"She's too broken to be the kind of threat Une is afraid of. I felt it" Quatre said quietly. "But I don't think she is done self-destructing just yet. It might be slow and quiet, but with the rage I have felt in her it could be equally loud and violent. She has a lot of hate, and I'm afraid a lot of it is justifiable."

"Then let's hope her fighting ability is also broken, so we do not have to see her brand of justice" Wufei said quietly.

"Trowa?" Quatre said gently, seeing a stray tear falling down his husband's face.

"I don't know" Trowa answered huskily. "I feel like we need to do something to help her, that maybe we are the only ones who can. Maybe that is why she has never been helped before. We never knew about her. I don't know how, but I want to give her a home - with us."

No one seemed to know how to respond to Trowa, so the conversation fell into silence. Sally and Noin excused themselves shortly after, not wanting to leave the shuttle on auto-pilot for too long.

Hikari stirred, hearing a muffled voice. As she became more awake she realized the voice was calling her name. She blinked and saw Quatre's smiling face. "We will be landing soon, just thought you would want to know."

Hikari nodded sleepily and mumbled, "Thank you for not touching me, Quatre."

"Of course."

The more awake Hikari became the less happy she was about it. Her head ached, and her stomach felt sour. Shaking herself, she stood up from her seat and walked over to where the other stood or sat, talking casually. She stood there awkwardly, not sure how to barge in to such a group of people. Thankfully, Duo saved her having to figure it out.

"Hey kid, how did you sleep?"

"You know I am older than you, right Duo?"

"Huh, I guess you are right. You just look young for your age."

Hikari glared, "Same to you, asshole."

Duo just grinned, "Finally, someone who hates waking up as much as I do. Let me go get you some coffee. Heero swears its the only thing that makes me anything close to pleasant in the mornings. I've already had two cups."

"Coffee would be wonderful" Hikari sighed.

"What do like in yours?"

At the moment, I do fucking care."

"Sweet! I'll make you something great." Duo practically skipped over to the bar counter and began mixing away.

Before she thought better about it, Hikari said, "Damn, someone needs to get that boy an apron. He is way too happy in the kitchen."

"He has one" Heero answered, eyebrow raised at Hikari. Her skittish mood had evaporated into the smart-ass mask she had worn when the first met the night before.

"It is red and black and has scythes all over it! Heero gave it to me last Christmas!" Duo chirped as he came back over with a steaming mug. "Drink up" he said, presenting the drink to Hikari.

Hikari sipped it, and sighed happily. "Oh God, thank you."

"Well they did call me the God of Death after all. But I am happy to be the God of Coffee, too."

"You definitely drink it enough" Wufei chided.

"Fei, there is as much caffeine in your beloved tea as there is in my coffee."

"And here I was trying to be nice and offer you an excuse for why you bounce around like a sugar-high child at 1am."

"Cold, man, cold."

There was some polite laughter at Duo's expense.

Hikari felt the coffee begin to speak kind words to her tired brain and aching head.

There was a sudden buzz from the tele-communicator on the wall, and then Lady Une's face appeared in the screen.

"Greeting" she said stiffly, more to get everyone's attention than to actually wish them hello. "I have been informed that your shuttle is going to arrive soon. I came early to make the preparations. When you land you will be shown to quarters for the night on the base. Then those of you who are going to participate in tomorrow's demonstration will report to me in command to be fitted to a Mobile Suit. Obviously they will be nothing like the sophistication of the Gundams" she said to Hikari, "but I think it will serve our purposes."

Hikari nodded, unsure of how to feel. "What exactly do you have in mind for this_ demonstration_?"

"You will fight the five ex-Gundam pilots in mobile suits. It will be up to you all to decide if you want to do one-on-one battles, or a free for all."

No one seemed surprised by the plan.

Hikari addressed the screen in an icy tone, "I hope you don't intend anything for these suits, Lady Une, because when we are done with them they will only be fit for scrap metal". With that she turned from the communicator and when back to her seat, feeling the warrior inside her engage. It was battle time.

Hikari said very little to anyone for the rest of the day. She dropped her belongings off at a cement walled room with a bed, desk, and chair, lit by florescent ceiling panels. It was far from a comfortable place, but she didn't plan on staying in her room much, or at the base long.

Everyone seemed to have their own evening plans. Each of the couples seemed to split up and have some alone time - movie nights, romantic dinners, Noin and Zechs even went on a hike before it got too dark.

Hikari wondered the outside of the base, taking refuge the forested area surrounding it. Une's reason for choosing this base was apparent - it was isolated and far from other civilization. _No causalities _Hikari thought.

When it was Hikari's turn to pick a suit, she examined each one carefully. Finally she picked an older but sturdy model, and asked for a beam saber.

"Are you sure that's all you want, Miss?"

"The Gundam I designed had wings and a whip, but I don't see anything like that here. A beam saber will do. Unless. . . can I see your spare parts?"

Hours passes, Hikari reveling in the machine oil covering her clothes, the calculations floating through her head, and the weapon thrumming to life under her making. She had forgotten how much a part of her loved to build, to create, to problem solve, and to make things take form. She dismissed awareness of others coming and going. No one bothered her, and she ignored them. It was a little past 2am when her project was complete. She beamed with pride. Despite the hour she was too energized to sleep. Hikari went back to her quarters, showered, and walked around the forest lush forest, revealing in the beating pulsing life around her until the light of false dawn called her back to the base, and the demonstration.


End file.
